Blog Archives

Weird Search Terms

A while ago I wrote a blog post: The Secret to increasing blog traffic. I’d had a spike in my visitors and had just blogged about dating disability style, so attributed the rise to people searching for disability (it couldn’t have possibly been the word dating).

Gesso sleeping upsidedown

A random photo of Gesso which has nothing to do with banshees or belly button lint

At the time, a few of you wrote and told me of your bizarre search terms hitting your blogs. Flossie found there are a lot of people out there searching for ‘stationery’. Oldcat pitched in with visitors to her blog searching for ‘Dragon Man and Rat Woman Love Connection’.

Well, this weeks sees some new peculiarities coming up in my search term stats. There’s little I can say other than print them. They have me mystified.

  • Belly button line preservation society
  • a little dodgy purple giraffe, and
  • cloak banshee ninja madness covered in fur.
It seems cloaked banshees ninjas must be popular – I got that one twice this week! What’s the strangest search term ever to hit your blog?

A masterclass in boobs

I recently discovered a blog called Megan’s Manifesto. It should be called Megan’s Laugh Yourself Silly And Be In Awe Of Her Talent Blog.

She can take subjects I’d be too scared to touch and create an engaging, meaty read. One of my favourite posts is simply called “On Boobs“.

The first paragraph reads:

Do you wanna know why I’d make an awful hippie? Firstly, I strongly believe Janis Joplin’s crap on a tie-dyed stick. Secondly, bell-bottoms make my already huge hips gargantuan. Thirdly, I’m pretty much epileptic near disco balls. And finally, I can’t make it through the day without an industrial strength, under-wired bra holding The Twins firmly in place. The free-wheelin’ beatniks might disagree, but as far as I’m concerned, dancing in the streets is off-limits until everything in and around the chest area’s been properly secured. You never know when an overly rhythmic boob might knock you out cold.

Are you hooked? Go on and read the rest of the post and prepare to be entertained.

Houston there’s peas in my korma

Week one of Lite n’ easy. Week one of carefully dodging evil ingredients. So far I’m finding that the chefs at lite n’ easy like to chop the food small. This does not bode well for the food separatists among us who feel compelled to remove the offending articles. The first night, I was trying to avoid the onion. Tonight, the peas were testing my fine motor skills with my fork. My dinner contained an obscenity of peas.

Knowing that obscenity was not the correct collective noun for peas, I googled it, only to be exceptionally disappointed. A murder of peas? A murmation? A mass killing or a mutations? No, it was a pod of peas. How outrageously dull.

While I was internet surfing for collective nouns, I checked out whether Andrew was fibbing regarding the clowder of cats. He was not. Evidently ‘c’ words are popular for cats… a clowder of them; a cluster, a clutter, a kindle. I think it’s time we used some poetic licence and got my favourite furry friends a better collective noun. I mean seriously, owls get a parliament, racoons a nursery and rhino’s a crash; surely cats desire better than a clowder.

I hereby call for suggestions. If I get one good enough, I’m sure that the Oxford dictionary will admit the current terms are pathetic and change it, yes?

What about a flea of cats; a hairball of cats, or a whisker of them? I look at Saffron and Licorice. Nope, they’re far too fat to be ‘grouped’ by fleas, hairballs or whiskers. Perhaps I should go with a donut of cats; a souffle of cats or a double whipped cream choc tart with a cherry on the top of cats (Licorice would almost certainly make it in the last one).

On a tangent (as if going from peas in my korma to a surfeit of skunks wasn’t enough) I wonder what the collective noun for blogs is? So I googled it. (Google answers all). It seems I’m not the only one who has been wondering. I found an old post from 2007 which invited readers to submit their suggestions; and submit they did. Among my favourites were:

  • bridge of bloggers
  • gaggle of bloggers
  • google of bloggers
  • an inbox of bloggers
  • an irrelevance of bloggers

More here. Then I moved on to Richard Watts’ blog: Man About Town to discover a few more.

There were a number in the self-depricating vein of ‘an irrelevance’:
  • an opinionation of bloggers
  • wanktative of bloggers.
  • an inbreeding of bloggers
  • a blot of bloggers
Then there were a host of ‘technical’ and ‘geeky’ attempts
  • a div tag of bloggers
  • a typepad of bloggers
  • a block-quote of bloggers
  • a cross-post of bloggers
  • a toggle of bloggers
  • a thread of bloggers
  • a flickr of bloggers
  •  a repost of bloggers
  •  a click of bloggers
and my favourite:
  • qwerty of bloggers
And just think! All this started because there was an obscenity of peas in my korma.

The secret to increasing blog traffic

I’ve discovered the sure fire way to increase traffic to your blog. Now, I know what you’re thinking. It’s that Search Engine Optimisation stuff? Nope. You’re wrong. Oh, then it must be about appropriate tagging. No. Wrong Again. Commenting on other blogs? Try harder I say!

You’ve got it? Really? You know my secret to increasing blog traffic? Ok, then tell me.

Sigh. Deep breath. No, it is not posting an unbearably cute cat picture. Good guess though. A little dose of cat cuteness never did anyone harm.
Reach out
It’s ok, you can stop guessing. I’ll tell you. Ready? It’s putting ‘disability’ in the title of your blog post. Well, it was either that word or the word ‘dating’.

So you see why I concluded that it must be disability. After all dating is such a nauseating, off-putting activity that I can’t imagine hundreds of people would want to read about it. Even the sound of the word is ugly. DATE-ING. Did you shudder? Did you imagine awkward cafe meetings where both of you are saying to yourself ‘get me out of here this is not going well?’ For me the word conjures up images of trying to look at your watch without looking like you’re looking at your watch because knowing what time it is is sure going to get you out of the situation faster. Nope, it must have been disability. That’s such a fashionable, sexy word. It’s a no brainer.