Alcoholic Aniseed

Licorice does winterI’ve just discovered something slightly horrifying. It’s a major faux pas. I have been misspelling my own cat’s name. Apparently Licorice should be Liquorice. It wasn’t until I read a comment from fellow blogger Isobel, that I realised my mistake.

After 3 years of being Licorice, I think should I rename her to alcoholic aniseed now she may get a wee bit confused. I’m sure she reads the blog when I’m not looking – and when she’s not bloody sleeping – so she knows how it is spelt.

I’m quite used to arguing with spell checks which insist of adding z’s where they are not required. Or turning centers into centres. I try to not mix my English up. I try to write British English, which by default is usually Australian English. Although I do wonder – perhaps I should hunt down that Kate woman who use to be on the ABC and ask her whether there is any such thing as Australian English?

It may be a bloop that my cat has been misspelled but I’m pleased to say that I still write in whole words the majority of the time. (Fussy people take note – I am not claiming I am grammatically correct – simply that I use WHOLE words). I got an email from my real estate agent a while ago and it had the word ‘through’ spelt as ‘thru’. As soon as smart phones were invented and one no longer needed to press each key 3 times to get to the correct letter, I thought these silly word shortenings would fall out of favour.

At least, Andrew informs me that other digital brevity measures are going by the wayside. He entered a common room at TAFE the other day to find a group of hipsters (I think that means 20-somethings wearing beanies) discussing how LOL was ‘so last decade.’

All of this does nothing to help me in my argument to my mother than perhaps she should try using her smart phone as a smart phone, rather than a paperweight which makes a call once a year. Alternatively, an iPad may solve the 2 people, 1 internet connection issue. I thought this would be perfect – my father could happily swap his orchid pics and browse blogs, while mum could stay upstairs in the armchair with the cat on her lap and surf the internet via an iPad.

She seems reluctant on both fronts. Technology it seems is scary.

Actually mum, I agree.

Some days I want to throw technology at a brick wall. Like when my computer wouldn’t turn on recently and I didn’t know why. Or that my phone line has only been working intermittently for the last month due to moisture on the lines. At the moment at work I have a document which refuses to SAVE. I’ve contacted helpdesk, they solved the problem. Hmm. Yes. It still doesn’t save. And it’s so helpful. It says “Document not saved.” That’s it! Where’s the explanation as to why? So I saved it as something else and then tried to save back over the top of the original. That didn’t work either. So mum, are you hearing me – technology annoys everyone!

But think of what it can bring. You’re 62 – far too young to be avoiding an iPad or a smart phone. (Oh, if you were hoping that your age was a secret – too late – cat out of bag).

I know what you look like right this second. You’ve got that screwed up face. I know because it’s the same face I pull when Andrew says something I don’t like. He calls it the ‘cranky Gesso face.’

I’ll confess, my motives are not entirely selfless. There have been quite a few times when I thought – I’ll just text mum – ‘be there in half an hour’, or  ‘running late today’ – only to realise that mum doesn’t do text messages.

I was wondering how to explain to someone else why I like being able to text messages or text pictures. After all, there is such a thing as a phone to convey a message, or an email. In cases of time of arrival, text is a great thing. I’d much rather send a text on a bus than call someone. I’m one of those people who get really irritated when the person next to me is having a conversation on a bus.

But sometimes I like it because it is fun. I work at least a 9 hour day. Some days get rather intense. So I love it when at a random moment in my day, Andrew sends me a picture which makes me laugh. (It’s usually of a upsidedown deaf white cat!). Or a text message that is so out of context, it just delights. Take this one as an example:

I am watching “DUMPLINGS:a wealthy woman tries to win back the affections of her husband by regaining her youth and beauty is assisted by a mysterious cook who makes human dumplings.” Sounds like a winner!

A while ago I confessed to Andrew that I’d been keeping some of his text messages so I could get a ‘second laugh out of them’. The conversation – appropriately via text message – went like this:

Me: Have you kept most of my text messages? I’m missing 3 months

Andrew: No you weirdo haha!

Me: Seriously, do you have them?

Andrew: No, I delete them all periodically. And you don’t need to keep them either you e-hoarder :-p

Me: Bugger. I’m collating some of the funny ones for a book.

Andrew: You’re a funny girl xxx

My favourite exchange is actually not from text but facebook. I like this one so much I think I may have even included it in a previously blog post. It went like this:

Andrew’s Facebook status: Murder most foul in my street this morning…. a body stuffed into a cupboard no less…

Friend 1: Man! I have to move to your ‘hood… A dog pooped beside a cardboard box this morning in Erskineville. That is all.

Anne-Marie: hmm, whose cupboard? the murderer’s or the victim’s? i’m not sure why this is important!

Friend 2: Good ole redfern. Tis the place to be caught dead.

Friend 3: Bloody hell dude: gotta love Christmas.

Andrew:It was a communal cupboard….in a block of flats or a share house or something… he was a disability pensioner that may or may not have been know to sell a bit of weed on occasion…never a dull moment!

Anne-Marie: these disability pensioners are a shady lot!

Me: It’s ok honey. You won’t fit in a cupboard. You’re safe. 

Anne-Marie: ah yes, it would have to be a garden shed.

And mum, just for you: here’s a couple of links to make you smile. They are all from Pinterest, which is a little like Flickr, except the photos exist on the internet wherever they originally existed rather than needing to be uploaded on to flickr.

Stunning Photos of Tigers and Big Cats

and

All Creatures Great and Small

Enjoy.

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Posted on April 1, 2013, in Cats, Life, Waffle and Nonsense and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. You have to be selective about this British/American thing. I thought we are a nation of cherry pickers.

    For most of my 50 years of golfing life, we used a handicapping system from the Royal and Ancient home of golf, and it was perfectly fine and accurate except for one little thing. Some people are not
    100% honest. Hard to believe that! People cheat! They even cheat to win orchid shows. But that is another story.
    Anyway, an american guy, good at stats. Set about devising a system that would make cheating not impossible, but at least more difficult. I salute you Dean Knuth the Pope of Slope!

    What have the previous paragraphs got to do with your blog subject…..It is an example where American can-do is better than tradition.

    Anyway, I’m voting for Licorice!

  2. Just checked my OED and it says both spellings are correct. I grw up using the one with a q so being a bit of a stick-in-the-mud for spellings stayed with it.
    I too am cursing technology. Last year I bought ane external hard drive with huge amounts of bytes, and after a bit of jiggery pokery and online help my MacBook Pro recognised it and backed up to it. Hunky dory I thought. Wrong. My MacBook no longer recognises it, I can’t access anything on it and it looks like I need to spend more dosh on another one.
    At the same time, I am looking into getting Aunt, who turns 90 next weekend, a Blackberry Playbook.
    I am starting to wonder if I have sadistic tendencies.
    No bodies in our communal cupboards. They are much too small!

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