Fair dinkum I’m lighter



This sign (right) is like me at the moment – semi-functional. You can see that it is supposed to read “open licensed”, however it doesn’t quite.

I’ve had lots of emails and well wishes. Some blunt – ‘damn, I don’t get to inherit your camera’… ‘oh, you’re still alive’ flavour… and others more typical. So to answer a few of your questions.

Am I lighter? Yes. I have no idea how much an appendix weighs but yes, I am appendix weight lighter. (I googled as we all know the internet answers all and the clearest reply I could fine was 6 oz. I then used my i-phone app convertor to discover that’s about 170 grams. The wonders of technology!)

Actually I’m more than 170 grams lighter. At the moment I weigh 59 kg. I was 61, so I expect it won’t last. I can’t say whether those 2 kilos have solved all my trousers issues as my tummy feels (even if it isn’t) a little swollen.

Second question – do I have my appendix in a jar. (Of course, a boy asked this!) No, I do not. But goosey don’t despair. I found a DVD on you tube supplied to a patient who wanted his appendix in a jar. I didn’t watch all the way to the end. I only needed to see those pointy things push through the skin to explain why I was sore even though I have almost no scar or cuts (on the outside that is). Link to video:

If you’ve just groaned, then you have to at least watch the first 10 seconds of the clip below… You will laugh – it’s the disco, animated, musical version of surgery!

Have I had any complications? Yes. Some are documented in medical textbooks – e.g. nausea and vomiting. Others are not i.e. cat intervention. Convincing saffron and licorice that my stomach is not an available lap location is a challenge. I’m not sure which of one did it, but on day two at home, I was caught by surprise when one of them jumped onto my lap and put her paw right on the incision. That one did start bleeding again but the cuts are so tiny it doesn’t take long for it to stop.

As for pain, I said to a friend, I’m not sure which is worse – my stomach pain or listening to Tony Abbott repeat fair dinkum.

Lastly a comment on the home nursing service. My mum is such a gem. I am usually the one with the cooking disasters. Day one home from hospital (I didn’t eat much there!), I ask for cheese on toast brunch. Mum kindly prepares it for me and comes and sits on the couch. Licorice jumps in her lap. A few minutes later, mum yelps – ‘oh the toast!’ She pushes licorice off (no easy feat) and scurries to the kitchen to open the door to a plume of smoke. I’m not talking a little wisp… imagine cloud of smoke. It fills the entire room and the smoke alarm starts to screech. Mum does that ridiculous manoevure with the cloth waving it under the detector which never – ever – works. I – still on the couch – no, you need to stand on a chair and press the button. ‘which button?’ By which time I’m on my feet but no way I’m about to stand on the chair.

In complete contrast, the second home nursing service cooked a perfect ommelette – bacon, mushroom, cheese with a dash of sour cream. (I must acknowledge that mum burning something is super rare… that’s what made it exceptionally funny!)


Posted on July 26, 2010, in Waffle and Nonsense and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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